With a whopping 988 reviews on Google at the time of writing, The Trusty Servant is a popular New Forest pub (likely due to being close to Lyndhurst).

So popular, in fact, that they have a glossy video advert on their website featuring a basic white girl escaping her mundane city life to run around in the forest like she’s on a psychedelic retreat & has just discovered nature again.

Whilst The Trusty Servant serves dreams of shagging trees & befriending New Forest ponies, our expert review team are servants to one purpose in life; finding the best pub for everyday folk.

So, is The Trusty Servant worth a visit?

1) How was the booze selection? 🥃

George says: “No Peroni.”

Chef says: “It’s the same drinks choice as every other pub. I guess the ciders are okay? But I don’t drink cider.”

2) How good were the chips? 🍟

Chef says: “I think it’s the perfect chip. I love them.”

George says: “Not my kind of chip. Too much of a big boy.”

3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷

Chef says: “M18s… but clean.”

George says: “Slight scratches & water marks.”

4) How good are the toilets? 💩

Jake says: “Good decor but I cant give a higher score to somewhere with just one cubicle. What if two people need a shit? [Chef says that one person would have to wait] I have IBS, I can’t wait.”

5) How were the staff?👩‍🍳

Neil says:”I’m hard as a rock for these lovely ladies.”

George says: “Calm yourself, Neil. They were very polite & offered table service.”

6) How was the venue? 🏚

Jake says: “It will be really nice in the summer. I love the lettuce trees. Inside is shit. Car park is full of cars which aren’t here.”

Chef says: “The outside brings the inside out.”

George says: “Inside is a generic pub, but outside is a nice big beer garden which also has undercover seating.”

7) Overall score 🍻

Chef says: “Um. I can’t think of anything witty. But a very good experience. I will come back. I wish my other servants were like this.”

George says: “It’s certainly a New Forest pub. Its spacious beer garden definitely improves the score, & the inside is okay. Whilst the drinks selection wasn’t really for me & it’s not doing anything particularly special I can definitely imagine people really enjoying The Trusty Servant.”

Jake says: “[To George] In the review say you smell like shit & look like Harvey Weinstein. [Back to his review] Dunno why but I’m not feeling higher. Do you know what I mean? It’ll be nice in the summer.”

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Today’s unique fact: Being on your phone whilst walking causes you to be 80% less focused on what’s around you.