If The Swan was a person, it’d be a middle-class Karen who resides in her 4 bed detached home (which is still being paid for by her ex-husband who left her for a younger model) in an otherwise working class town. She judges her neighbours for being barbaric, despite them actually paying their way in life… Unlike her.

That being said, we all know those Karen’s have the nicest homes.

The Swan was our 2nd stop on our Lyndhurst pub crawl, & proved the most difficult to attend due to it being on a sweeping corner on a busy road without a crossing. Despite this, we made the traitorous journey.

1) How was the booze selection? 🥃

George says: “They have Peroni.”

Neil says: “Plus 5 & I mean it! Such a variety of ciders!”

Jake says: “I was impressed. There was some rare booze in there like a mango cider.”

2) How good were the chips? 🍟

Neil says: “If you were to pour the chips into a bowl it’d look bigger. Very fluffy.”

Chef says: “No sauces offered…”

George says: “What a tiny little bowl. Bang average.”

3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷

Chef says: “I love my plain glass.”

George says: “I had a slight water mark, but that was it.”

4) How good are the toilets? 💩

Neil says: “Very impressed. Lovely low sink for me to piss in with a wood finish.”

5) How were the staff?👩‍🍳

Neil says: “Nice guys. Nice arse. He had me at the smile.”

George says: “No offer of sauce, salt or pepper.”

Chef screams: “NO SAUCE.”

6) How was the venue? 🏚

Jake says: “Cute doggos. I can imagine lots of people from well paid jobs come here. When their portfolio drops in value they probably throw themselves in the road. [referring to the very busy road next to the beer garden]“

Neil says: “Perfect apart from the road.”

George says: “Next to a busy road. Loud. Bog standard aside from that.”

7) Overall score 🍻

Chef says: “On many trips to the beach I drove past this pub with my deceased grandparents [he cries]… I never would i think i would have a pint there.”

Jake says: “Ehhhh. I think this a really good pub. There’s no joke. From the outside it looks shit. I think it’d be shit in the winter. It’s summer, though, so it’s nice.:

George says: “Very loud, average venue, fuck Neil. Great drink selection, though.”

Neil says: “A real curve ball because I thought I was on for a solid 5. Racism & paedophilia crosses the line. Cross that out. However the road & the lack of sauces have tarnished a gleaming pub.”

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Today’s unique fact: The swan likes to waste energy by having their outdoor lights on during the daytime.