After a long hiatus the CPG team finally assembled again in what can only be described as the most anticipated pub review of 2023, with a production value that puts Avengers to shame. Neil is currently going through a divorce, Jake’s about to be fired due to a serious HR complaint, Chef is struggling with his ongoing fight with next door’s cat & George lost his car in a multi storey.
The Red Rover is a Greene King pub, carrying with it the Green King reputation for cheap food & disappointing times. Could The Red Rover be the exception to this rule?
The three cunts venture to The Red Rover to see if there really is a red dog called Rover residing there. Unsurprisingly, there was not.
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
George says: They’ve got Peroni… & everything I would want in life. Madri, Moretti, Amstel, Lily’s Cider, Thatchers Gold; it’s the standard every pub strives towards.”
Chef says: “Top tier. Shame it’s (dry) January.”
Neil says: “I regret not getting a big one now [Referring to his ex-wife, as he enters his chubby chaser phase]. Quality lagers, & quality company.”
2) How good were the chips? 🍟
Chef says: “Skin on!”
Jake says: “You can put rosemary & salt over any chip & I’d love it”
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
George says: “Clean, but has seen better days. Which is weird as it’s less than a year old.”
Jake says: “Mine’s not great.”
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
Neil says: “Freezing. Black sticky tiles & no hot water. They had an air stream hand dryer, though. I was heckled on the way out, as well.”
Chef says: “Disappointing. Like bad football stadium toilets.”
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
Neil says: “A bit annoying, but counted the change quickly.”
Chef says: “Small.”
6) How was the venue? 🏚
Jake says: “It’s old man chic, it’s dirty but good.”
George says: “It’s got nice areas & good bones, but it can’t escape feeling like a pub which could be plopped in any part of the country, meaning it lacks character.”
Chef says: “Bog standard, but a good table. A comfy table. Comfiest pub table I’ve ever been on.”
7) Overall score 🍻
Neil says: “They haven’t decided where they are. Half the pub is a drinkers dive, the other half is a gastro pub. I prefer the gastro pub.”
Jake says: “Shall I go to county court? [In reference to his troubles at work]“
George says: “Amazing drinks, comfy seats, but aside from that they could do more. The overall vibe is off.”
Chef says: “Um… Out of the way, but a good stop off.”
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 