The Bell Inn… The comeback review? Except no, it’s not, because we botched this review. As a result, we only have George’s comments to judge this pub, & the tears of Neil & Jake to flavour the experience.
The Bell Inn is right next to Bramshaw Golf Course, also offering rooms to stay in. So if you’re looking for a golf trip, I guess it’s the New Forest pub for you?
Strangely, it’s positioned directly opposite The Green Dragon, which seems to be the locals’ choice for pub, as The Bell Inn is comparatively quiet in comparison to the often full Green Dragon.
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
George says: No Peroni.
[Neil & Jake begin crying because their lives are falling apart. Maybe they would have cried less if the drinks selection was so limiting]
2) How good were the chips? 🍟
We don’t know, we never will know. However, the chips we got from McDonalds were good.
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
George says: The glasses are spotless. The only reason they’re not rated higher was because I saw a toddler being force fed a lager by their parents in the garden using one of their glasses & I found that slightly disturbing.
[Jake begins crying because the glasses are so clean he can see his own reflection which reminds him that his anus was violated by a doctor with a camera]
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
An educated guess will tell you that the toilets for this establishment would be fine.
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
George says: The staff did a good job of handling some posh little cum-stain golfers who were rather rude & tried to skip the queue. The only reason it’s not higher was because we did have to repeat our drinks order about 5 times.
6) How was the venue? 🏚
George says: I actually expected it to be nicer, but it’s still very nice. Whilst the interior decor is nice & the beer garden is pleasant, the interior layout is confusing & it didn’t feel like the type of establishment posh golfers would play at.
[Neil begins sobbing about how we doesn’t have his own venue anymore, as his ex-wife is taking it along with the kids]
7) Overall score 🍻
George says: Whilst The Bell Inn is nice, I don’t see myself coming back. Nothing about it really blew me away, & I didn’t hear people raving about the food. Nothing about it really tickled my fancy.
[Jake & Neil cry into one another’s arms]
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 