Sometimes we find ourselves lost in foreign land; scared & alone. Sometimes this foreign land is in Southampton, & sometimes we’re looking for fried chicken & Jake takes us to a random kebab shop claiming it’s the best chicken in Southampton. We did not find it here.
Then, as we leave this cursed eatery, we see the familiar comfort of that beautiful golden crown perched in the distance. A Green King pub.
Portswood is known for 2 things; students, heroin & not being in the New Forest. But how does their pub fare?
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
Chef says: “I had to pay for a random crackhead’s drink.”
George says: “They had every drink I could dream of. I just wish Neill was here to experience this with us, god rest his soul.”
2) How good were the chips? 🍟
Truth be told, ordering drinks was scary enough let alone trying to order some chips. The local crackhead who made Chef buy her a drink (which he was charged for without his consent) would probably demand a whole meal.
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
George says: “Some marks but I don’t think it was unhygienic.”
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
Jake says: “The crackhead getting fingered by the urinal would have made it classier.”
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
Chef says: “They literally charged me some random person’s drink because she told them to.”
6) How was the venue? 🏚
George says: “Your choice of seating is either inside which has a slight rapey undertone, or outside in what Portswood classes as a beer garden… It’s not a garden, it’s hardly a smoking area… It’s more like a prison courtyard but smaller.”
7) Overall score 🍻
Chef says: “A dodgy establishment only saved by its drinks choice.”
Jake says: “A shit hole but kind of charming. Kind of like my college girlfriend… Completely butters but she had a bearable personality once I’d smoked enough weed.”
George says: “The worst Green King I’ve ever seen.”
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 