Journalistic integrity. That’s the theme of today’s review. One of our three reviewers was compromised. As a result, I took it upon myself to write this review in secret. If there’s one thing this website stands for, it’s journalistic integrity.
With over 700 reviews on Google & an average of 4.5 stars, The Railway is certainly well regarded. However, we’ve seen this before, & we’ve been stung by promises of a great pub. Let’s investigate.
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
Look, I’ll be honest, I’m not some hipster bellend. If my safest choice of lager is Red Stripe, then I’m in foreign territory. I like classic British beers like Peroni & Madri, not some rastafarian brand like Red Stripe.
2) How were the chips? 🍟
From the moment me & Chef locked eyes at that dining table I knew our 23 years of friendship had been leading up to this moment. The ups & downs, the laughs & fights, the career as the heroin dealer & following three years as a converted monk; I knew it had all led to the next few words our of his mouth.
“Get the fat boi.”
At that moment I leaped across the table & punched Jake square in his temple, knocking him out cold. In that moment, I knew he was the rat bastard sent by the establishment to jeopardise our review.
Anyway, he actually wanted me to get the Phat Boy burger, & it was an amazing recommendation. Instead of getting chips I ordered the buffalo wings, which turned out to be the best chips I’ve had at any pub.
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
This was always a shit category but I have to include it.
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
I’m going to have to get back to you on this as I completely forgot to go for a wee.
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
Usually I get outvoted in this category so it’s nice to go Kim Jong Un on this bitch & dictate the score. The service was fine. They were friendly & did their job. They did nothing wrong, but they did nothing particularly outstanding either. 0 should be the score for everywhere that the servers aren’t complete dicks but do their job well.
6) How was the venue? 🏚
Whilst the pub could come across as dreary & stuffy, they’ve done a great job with the feng shui of the joint. They’ve utilised what is a relatively small interior & making it not feel too cramped. It’s also got lots of character & doesn’t necessarily follow the same design rules that other local pubs do, whilst still keeping the pub aesthetic.
7) Overall score 🍻
I fucking loved the food here. When the burgers are this good, you can overlook all of the hipster bullshit. Seriously, what’s with all of the hippy crap, we’re miles away from any student accommodation, so why do I smell Rohypnol & cheap deodorant?
Anyway, I will be going back to have more of their menu, & I believe Chef has chosen to move to Ringwood in order to dine here each night.
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 