The Old Farmhouse in Totton has had a glow up recently. It went from a disgusting, greasy Hungry Horse pub to a majestic Green King. Interestingly, a similar upgrade occurred at The Testwood several years ago, who are also owned by Green King.
In our friend group, the Farmhouse has a special place in our hearts. Mainly because Chef’s dad used to take him there every single night after school. An average evening for Chef consisted of colouring in the kid’s menu at the bar waiting for dad to finish shagging some milf in the toilet whilst simultaneously snorting a line of coke from the waitress’s bum crack.
Good memories. Rumour has it that Chef was conceived in that washroom, & that the white stains you used to see on the back of the toilet door was the dried remains of his potential siblings.
Anyway, back to the Old Farmhouse; it’s gorgeous. It’s so nice seeing somewhere which had become dated be brought back to life. Whoever was in charge of the renovation clearly cared a lot about doing the pub justice.
You may notice that the below scores have no comment, & that’s because I forgot to ask everyone for comment, & the comments are always completely nonsensical anyway.
As a Green King the booze selection is always phenomenal, the interior was recently renovated so is great, many of the locals have been regulars for generations so has a warm communal feeling; what more can you want really? Oh, & the food is actually cheap & nice.
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
2) How good were the chips? 🍟
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
6) How was the venue? 🏚
7) Overall score 🍻
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 