Unfortunately this pub has since changed hands (again) since our last visit. Whilst the original review was positive, our most recent visit was very different. In fact, we could only tolerate one pint before leaving.
Both customers & staff were vaping at the bar. Based on this you may be picturing a pub full of young pikeys… You’d be wrong. The creatures that resided within the pub appeared to be local divorcees who dragged themselves into the pub likely as temporary refuge from their parent’s spare room.
Whilst vaping isn’t illegal, it certainly says a lot about the state of the pub. No self respecting individual is going to bring a torch in order to navigate through the cherry ice smoke obstructing their path to the bar.
Either this pub is peddling drugs out the back, or it’s going to be closed again very soon.
When it does inevitably close, the cult of losers that came here might say to one another “god this place can’t catch a break!”. Rest assured, that’s the vape causing your brain to lack sufficient oxygen, because any self respecting pub owner or manager would know how fucking ridiculous it is for staff to greet new potential customers between puffing their vape which is attached to their lanyard.
Review based on previous owners (in 2021):
The Coach & Horses in Cadnam (just a stone’s throw from the roundabout) grew a local reputation for regularly switching hands between different owners. As a result, us cunts grew weary of this local establishment.
After going to review The Compass Inn only to find that it was closed, we scrambled to The Coach & Horses to reluctantly review the boozer. The experience we had surprised us all.
1) How was the booze selection? 🥃
George says: “No Peroni.”
Chef says: “Merreti is a top tier beer, & continues to become a more popular beer across pubs.”
2) How good were the chips? 🍟
Chef says: “I like that they were thinner.”
George says: “I like dem chips that look like crisps.”
Jake says: “Thicc chips for thicc boys.”
3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷
Jake says: “My coke is in a Thatchers glass; that’s dirty. Aside from that, a clean glass.”
4) How good are the toilets? 💩
Jake says: “I can only describe the smell as a mix of peach and piss… a very strange smell. Overall pretty uninspiring. Would shit in an emergency.”
5) How were the staff?👩🍳
George says: “Genuinely some of the friendliest bar staff I’ve come across.”
Jake says: “I thought they knew you they were so friendly.”
Neil says: “Fit with extra fit.”
Chef says: “Topped my beer after the the head settled; great service.”
6) How was the venue? 🏚
George says: “Great smoking area & outdoor lighting. Interior is pretty bog standard, but outdoors definitely makes up for it.”
Chef says: “I really like the leaves. & heaters.”
7) Overall score 🍻
Chef says: “Can’t really fault it. I was apprehensive but was warmly welcomed & will be returning.”
George says: “In many ways The Coach & Horses is a very standard pub with phenomenal staff, but in the summer (when you can sit outside) it’s a very special place to be.”
Jake says: “First of all, we were going to the compass and there was a big pothole (which I’m sure we’ll discuss when we review there), so this is instantly better than there. The staff were really nice to the point I thought she knew my fellow cunts, but it doesn’t seem like it. However we cannot say for certain if Chef didn’t date anyone who works here.”
Neil says: “Why are so many pubs hiring fit staff.”
Today’s unique fact: Holding in sneezes can blow your brains out (rupturing a brain aneurism).
The C*nts Pub Guide 🍻 