The Fighting Cocks is a quaint pub situated in Fordingbridge, & is somewhat destroyed on popular reviewing website Tripadvisor with an average review of just 3.5. With so many complaints, how do our team of real, qualified reviewers judge its quality.

A peculiar name for a pub, & somewhat poetic of the coming together of the Cunts Pub Guide on our first review of 2024. Jake & Neil had been fighting for months now, with it all coming to an epic dance battle during my wedding, in which Neil won. Jake, gangly & uncoordinated, stood no chance.

Finally, with a cock fight finished, the two men reunite for today’s review.

1) How was the booze selection? 🥃

George says: “No Peroni. But Moretti & Neck Oil make up for no Peroni.”

Jake says: “A shit load of spirits.”

Chef says: “Fosters tastes like piss.”

2) How good were the chips? 🍟

Chef says: “Very good chips. I can’t give a 5 as there was no presentation.”

Jake says: “I don’t know what a five chip is but this is a 4.”

George says: “A £4.40 bowl of chips is, regardless of how good it is, a bit pants.”

3) Cleanliness of the glasses 🍷

Neil says: “Non alcoholic glasses is smear city. Smearier than an NHS van in a car park.”

4) How good are the toilets? 💩

Jake says: “Who’s buying condoms here? In this area? Are you dogging?”

5) How were the staff?👩‍🍳

Chef says: “I think she fancies me.”

6) How was the venue? 🏚

Chef says: “Still has Christmas decorations up. I’m not Spanish, they should be down by now”

Neil says: “I really like the location, the Christmas decorations, & it’s a really nice new forest pub. Also theyve got a wood burner.”

Jake says: “Less horses would be nice.”

7) Overall score 🍻

Chef: “They were really good chips. One of the best maybe. There’s no we in Cunts Pub Guide. Happy to come back in the summer.”

Neil: “I liked it, I had a good time. Glad there was Christmas decorations up.”

Jake says: “Good enough. Condoms in the toilet, & a great name for a pub”

George says: “A wonderful pub in the actual forest. Feels very cosy & welcoming.”

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Today’s unique fact: Some of the condoms sold here are not for actual condom use.